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With 50 books in print, prolific author Darrell Bain never tires writing various genres including humor, science fiction, mystery, and suspense/thriller.

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Bainstorming - May 16, 2016 to May 20, 2016

The contents of this Blog may be copied and sent to both friends and enemies with the stipulation that the source www.darrellbain.com is noted and included.

Bainstorming: Darrell's Bain's Blog.
Copyright © May 20, 2016, by Darrell Bain

Responses to subjects brought up by this blog are welcome. I can be contacted by e-mailing me from my website.

Bainstorming May 16, 2016 to May 20, 2016

Subjects in this issue:

Self Published Books, My computer Technician, My Newest Book, Reviews for Books on sale, A Question to ponder, Bad Day At Black Rock Turned into bad multiple days at Black Rock!

Self-Published books

 My first self-published book was Tweedle, The Dog Who Thought It Was A Cat, a children’s book for ages 5 to about 10 or so. It was overpriced when it first came out but I am pleased to say that it is now very reasonably priced at $1.39. At present it is available only at Amazon but should soon be available at Barnes & Noble as well. This children’s book is illustrated by my brother, Gary Bain. He did a fine job with the black and white drawings of Tweedle and his antics and troubles as he tries to find out why he doesn’t look like a cat when he thinks he is. A fun book to read to your kids or for them to read themselves.

My other self-published book is T.I.N.S. which is a hilarious narrative of stories told by myself and Will Stafford. It covers our childhood antics, our time in the Army where we did our best to show the Generals the right way to run a war (but they wouldn’t listen) and our post-war adventures in civilian life of doing our very best to convince our wives we were not lazy, just very efficient. I have no idea why they were so hard to convince. In fact, they still don’t believe us, even though I’ve written seventy books that I call working but Betty says she could sit in front of a computer and type the same kind of drivel and call it work if she didn’t have to run the household. And Will has spent his time repairing the batteries of the golf carts belonging to a golf course and then naturally driving around the course and hitting balls real far and real often so he has to drive the carts to find the balls and make certain the batteries in the carts are working properly. He tells me Karin is becoming suspicious at all the testing he has to do but so far he’s managed to convince her he is doing a  very necessary job. That’s what I tell Betty. Someone has to write all those books you see in the library and the book stores and naturally I have to go around to the book stores and sit at a table surrounded by the books I’ve written and talk to the young ladies about them. She finally caught on, though and wrote a book herself and told me it wasn’t hardly any work at all and for me to get busy with the lawn mower and the vacuum cleaner. However, I learned how to be sneaky from listening to Will’s stories and promptly broke the lawn mower and the vacuum cleaner both. I began fooling around with the washer and dryer but for some reason she won’t let me near either one of them now. She tells me to go sit at the computer and write books which is what I was doing in the first place. That is a T.I.N.S. story. You know, a This Is No Sh*t story. Honest.

My Computer Technician

Here lately I have trouble connecting to my computer repairman. Recently he expanded and is now boss of several techs. Every time he sends someone out here they find something wrong they can’t fix and wind up calling the boss for help and he winds up losing money. The last time he had to rescue one of his workers he told me he was going to go back to an honest job like I have and quit trying to be the CEO of a big Corporation. When I tell him how writing books is a hard job he raises first one eyebrow then the other and says, Yeah, Right. I wish I had a job like yours. I tell him really, writing is a lot of work but he always leaves my house mumbling under his breath about lucky guys who sit around pretending to work while their wife makes them cookies (he always manages to come service my computer when the cookies are just coming out of the oven). I sure don’t know why  he complains. I always give him a nice tip and he leaves with a pocket full of cookies that he says he really shouldn’t eat because he’s trying to lose weight, but I notice that doesn’t stop him from loading up on them before he leaves.

My Newest Book

I have finished a new book, tentatively titled “The New Types”. As soon as I have time I’ll go over it one more time looking for typos and inconsistencies and continuity errors then it will be ready to publish. I haven’t decided yet whether to publish it myself or look for a publisher. Decisions, decisions.

Reviews of Books on Sale

Some days I think I’m not very bright. Well, Betty tells me that all the time but when I start telling myself it’s getting serious. A friend sent me an email and reminded me that if I’m going to ask for reviews of books on sale I really should name the books. After pondering a few moments I decided he was right. So here they are, on sale at Amazon and Barnes & Noble and other ebooks stores for only 99 cents each. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.

Samantha’s Talent - A talent that no one believes in, but it’s true.

Space Trails - One of the most original Science fiction novels anywhere.

Strange Valley - The people of this valley are strange and don’t care who knows it.

Postwar Dinosaur Blues - The first book in the adventures of the Williard Brothers.

Bigfoot Crazy - The second book in the Williard Brothers series.

Robyn’s Rock - A collection of Bain’s short stories that will make you think long after you’ve read them.

Alien Infection - Why are government agents killing anyone who has come in contact with an injured patient in an Emergency Room?

Medics Wild! - The Williard Brothers in Vietnam. The prequel to the adventures of the Williard Brothers, a five book series with another being written. Not just for men. The ladies love the Williard brothers, too. In fact, the majority of my fan mail about these books is from females!

If you’ve purchased one of these books in the past, they have now been re-edited, most with new covers and are on sale for only 99 cents for a limited time only. If you‘ve purchased one of them in the past or buy one now, I would greatly appreciate a short review at Amazon. Thanks you. ‘Nuff said.

 A Question to ponder

Should teenagers be allowed one mistake, serious but not including violence or physical harm to anyone? I believe they should be forgiven the first time so long as they admit their error and show some remorse. But suppose they won’t admit what they did wrong despite overwhelming evidence, and show no remorse? Scientific research has shown that teens find it very difficult to consider future implications of their actions, even to not admitting errors in judgment. So the question: should they or shouldn’t they be forgiven and under what conditions? Your views would be welcome.

Bad Day At Black Rock Turned into bad multiple days at Black Rock!

Yesterday was my day to run errands. First I forgot to load the trash to take to the compactor even though it was on my list. On the way I noticed my brakes were barely functional. I turned around and got back home and had Betty follow me to the garage in the old pickup, (a classic at 35 years old), then drove her back home in the pickup. I then began my errands in the pickup, again forgetting to load the trash. However, I noticed that the last time one of the boys had borrowed the truck, it came home almost out of gas. I stopped for a fill up and noticed one tire was almost flat. I made it to the tire shop, barely, and had the tire aired up. I had intended to swap it out for the spare, but the man at the tire shop noticed it was flat. He tried to repair it but it had been on the truck so long it had dry rotted (the truck still has only 92,000 miles on it after 35 years) and he was unable to fix it. He had no used  tires so I told him to sell me a new tire, put it on the rim and I would pick it up in the morning. I then attempted to finish my errands but had left my list in the car. I did remember I had milk on it so I stopped at the local grocery, but as soon as I got out of the truck I noticed the tire looked as if it was deflating again. I thought, I’ll just air it up from the air tank I keep handy. Unfortunately, the air tank was in the car and the car was in the garage. Curses, bad words and kitty mess! I went home without the milk, a staple of my diet. I intended to call AAA to fix my flat but the tire never went down any more and I was afraid to fool with the dry-rotted thing for fear of it exploding.

Now another problem. It is the next morning, the tire looks a bit low but not much, but Betty has a doctor’s appointment and the car won’t be ready in time. We will leave early and run by the tire shop and hope it is open at eight o’clock. If so, we will pick up the new spare and have it quickly put on. If not, we’ll take a chance and head for the doctor’s office and hope we make it. If we don’t we will call AAA. Dern. Should have done it earlier, but know what? I’m not really sure by now which of the front tires was low to begin with. I hope the tire service place remembers.

To be continued…

Next day. Betty and I both should have stayed in bed. The universe is supposed to be implacably impartial but it appears that the so-called impartial universe has its sights set on making mine and Betty’s life miserable right now. We arrived at the tire shop and it was indeed open but the only person there had no idea what I was talking about, nor did he know anything about a new tire or what my old tire and rim looked like. I glanced around and saw an old tire on a rim that looked suspiciously like the one I had left that was supposed to be replaced by a new tire. Obviously it hadn’t been or if it had the fellow there tending shop didn’t understand my English any better than I understood his Spanish. We left for Betty’s doctor’s appointment fifteen miles from home with no spare and a front tire that was still holding but very shaky.

The next thing the impartial universe did was to cause the attendants at the doctor’s office to ignore us. After well over an hour of waiting, and an hour past the time of the appointment (so much for arriving early and maybe being seen quickly), I complained. The lady at the front desk said she would check on things for us. After another fifteen minutes she called me to the receptionist’s window and asked, Has Betty been worked up yet?” I replied that she hasn’t been seen by anyone so how could she have been worked up? (working up means getting her chart, then recording weight, blood pressure and pulse and putting her in a room). The receptionist promised that she would definitely find out what had happened. After another fifteen minutes Betty was called in for her 9:00 o’clock appointment at ten minutes past eleven. All she had come for was to have an EKG and have a monitor attached to her to wear for 24 hours, procedures which should have taken less than fifteen minutes for both of them to be completed.

By this time Betty was fuming and I was hurting so bad from my bad back I was practically crying, but afraid to take another pain pill because I was driving since it is hard for Betty to drive the truck and by this time she was hurting badly, too. In case you’re wondering we both have vertebrae that are pressing on the sciatic nerve. Mine is much worse than Betty’s but an old injury added to the sciatica makes her hurt almost as much as me.

Anyway, after Betty was called inside (finally) to where the patients see the doctor or have procedures done, I waited and waited.

Betty came back out a half hour later with steam shooting out of both ears. It seems that first, her chart had been lost in the morning shuffle and then when she finally got inside no one knew where the monitor that was to be attached to her chest could be found. Finally they did find it and get it on her but by this time no room was open for the EKG. So, since she has to go back 24 hours later to have the monitor removed, she told the nurse she would get the EKG done when she came back (and don’t ask me why the font suddenly changed because I have no idea. It’s that impartial universe again, I suspect). And I can’t get the damned thing to do Times New RomAN TO SAVE MY LIFE AND NOW IT is D0ING FONT 16 WHEN THE TOOL BAR PLAINLY SAYS 14. Either I’m going crazy or the Word Program is.

Now we’re on the way home and go to the garage where our car was supposed to be ready. Naturally, it wasn’t. Somehow the mechanic had misinterpreted what I wanted done. All I wanted at this time was to have the brakes fixed because nothing else was urgent, even though the car is 20 years old. The car was up on the rack and the brakes hadn’t been fixed yet. The mechanic promised he would have the car ready in the next morning when I will drive Betty in the old truck to the garage (if the tire isn’t flat) and she will then drive the car to the doctor’s office to have the monitor removed and have an EKG performed and pick up prescriptions that she was so steamed she forgot to get the day before. That is what’s supposed to happen tomorrow….to be continued. 

It is tomorrow and I thought maybe this day would go better since my word processing program began behaving itself. Betty and I got in the truck this morning and went to see if the car was ready. It was except the front end wasn’t fixed but we took it anyway and said we'd worry about front end later. Betty drove off in the car to go have the monitor taken off and pick up the prescriptions and have EKG done she was supposed to have done yesterday. She got that done but again forgot to pick up her prescriptions. Oh yeah, while the car was in the garage the monkeys got into the car over night and killed the clock and cruise control. While Betty was at the doctor’s office I went to get my tire for the truck and it was ready but another one was so dry rotted it was going down really fast so I had it fixed with another new tire. So everything on the truck is okay except the spare, and it is inflated but dry rotted and may explode any moment. You'll probably hear it from wherever you are when it goes, that air has been in it so long. Oh yeah, now got to go grocery shopping in Cleveland instead of Livingston because Betty forgot to pick up the prescriptions again and I have some prescriptions that that need filling myself and dunno if CVS in Cleveland will fill them or not. Crap, twice, no three times she's forgotten the prescriptions and she says I have a bad memory! I do, of course, have CRS so bad I can't remember what that acronym stands for. I also had to go to the bank to get some money to pay for the tires and pretty sure we still have some in the account but the way the last two or three days have gone, who knows? And I suddenly noticed that the font and script are back to what the tool bar says they are. ??? That means I have not a clue why they went somewhere else nor why they came back. To be continued….

It is now the third day of this comedy of errors, I think, and once again Betty is going to go to Cleveland (about 17 miles away) to pick up her prescriptions. Since they were supposed to have been written last week when we saw the doctor for our regular appointment, I have no faith in the world that they will still be there. If they are, I shall assure that the universe has suddenly tilted back into impartiality.

To be continued…

Betty returned. Just as I suspected, the prescriptions were nowhere to be found. I think the universe ate them but possibly they were never written in the first place. By the time it gets halfway straightened out, which means the doctor was not there and she got only half of the prescriptions she was supposed to get, her ears are steaming again. I had originally intended to go with her and try to have my prescriptions filled there but I didn’t and that’s a story too long to tell here, so suffice to say I have a bit of grocery shopping to do today when I will go to Livingston where they are normally filled and see if the universe ate the whole pharmacy. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to see nothing but a hole in the ground.

To be continued…

I believe the universe is tilted back to its normal implacably impartial position. There was no hole in the ground. The pharmacy was still where it was supposed to be. I had no problem filling my prescriptions. I found everything I intended to buy at Wal-Mart where it should be rather than having been moved to another part of the store like it normally is every two weeks or so. I had no problems with the car. The only two flies in the ointment was that Ranier cherries are not available yet. If you haven’t tried them, don’t. We want to eat them all ourselves. The other fly was my back. It picked today to let me know it is still a train wreck and isn’t planning on putting the train back on the tracks in my life time, but I knew that anyway, so it was really only a small fly, requiring only one extra pain pill, making 3 for the day, which is all I can stand no matter how much I hurt.

With the universe back to normal I believe I shall close this blog and get it sent off in the next day or two.

Thanks for reading--and don’t forget the reviews if you’ve bought one of those books in the past or buy one now or in the future. Starving authors need to buy groceries, too, as Robert A. Heinlein used to say, slightly paraphrased.

Darrell Bain
Shepherd, Texas
May 20, 2016


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